Crouching, chatting. Sipping armagnac
Sunday, 4 January 2015
Send it right now - I'm by a computer
My eyes have welled with tears
I'm madly jealous, but now I feel gross
I won't tell a soul
I will forever associate it with him and you drinking a bottle of gaviscon on that date
One word texts are very melodramatic
Don’t get all insecure
I find the thought of you walking around the park and just joinng any football team really funny
If its meant to be, I’ll guess
Sorry for being so weird and annoying. I feel like ive been a real dick recently
I wish I wasn’t wearing those boots
When you put it like that...
All of that and a bag of chips
Wednesday, 17 December 2014
Pull off my ears and chew
You aren’t religious in any way
With all that guilt
Sleeping bag and headphones
Juxtaposing myself against the objects of my gaze, aren’t I
They perform for me
They exist through me
Im too self aware and self loathing now
He's such a stirrer
Lots of bruises
Chipped my front tooth pretty bad
Im full, tired and bored
Friday, 24 October 2014
Wouldn’t it be so nice to have a sexy boyfriend to dress up for and go out for dinner with? Order a bottle of wine with
Don’t put that on your blog
Anonymity can’t hide it
You couldn’t have looked more beautiful last night
Keep on spending, that’s my advice
My stupid fingers!
Be careful on the road to the church as it’s steep and narrow.
Now, drink beer and eat herrings
Please don’t fall in the canals
She’s doing that hand thing
It is weird, you have to talk to your therapist about it.
I had artichoke. He had saucisson sec, then dorade and cote de veau in blanket sauce with mushroom, fries and the best French beans ever. Back in super cool hotel now, place stiff with over 60s fashion victims I’m too kind to take photos of, but I will start tomorrow
Chicken or burger
Monday, 1 September 2014
It was a pleasure messing it up
I forgot the fucking crab on the roof
There must be a lot of sterilistion issues
Quite a surreal situation. Stick them all in your brother's room
Ok, I have a taleggio or a Canadian cheddar
It's all about crystal meth and brothers n sisters doing it
I'm making such a hash out of text messages at the moment
Just going back into work. Theyre all so ugly and stupid
You're not too bad yourself
Wednesday, 28 May 2014
A sorry state of affairs all round
I thought it was just an odd greeting
You're not there to make friends.
My feet have swollen again
Didn’t expect me to call him?
I get the message
Im sure loads of kids are on their own. Head phones off
Relationships don’t matter.
My boss is going to kill me and I've grown to hate my girlfriend.
Still, I have a cheque to cash
It was really sexy time I had to have a cold shower
Strangers don’t change when they move hearts and turn faces to smile. While all the while
Tuesday, 15 April 2014
Corn on the cob please
A big one
No corn, just the cob
Scrap that, I would like some corn
Corn off the cob
Will you call me later? You know how I feel
You going to do it to me right back?
Shut up, please
Praise, it's all one way
I'm twisting the facts
I'm very impressed and grateful for your honesty. I just worry after your fret is qualmed you will loose interest
Was that a really awkward message?
Come to Scotland
Looking out at planes listening to the air conditioning, waiting for my flight. I'm staying with her tonight.
Where the fuck are you?
I would love that. I can party. I can drink. I can smoke
Tuesday, 18 March 2014
Will you bring my tartan skirt to the hotel?
In fact, bring the whole creepy bag
Could you bring a razor as well
I was so jealous of you all staying out all night
What's she like?
600 words about a naked performance arts thing I didn't go to
What's the difference between a Ferrari and a hooker?
You just wanted to talk a lot and then we’d sit down and you had noting to say
Over and over
On the wrong side of the park
Wednesday, 8 January 2014
I poured vodka on the neighbours cat and its been licking itself all evening
I've got the book, when do I get the girl?
She's a lovely girl. Great skin
All those mean girls from tha cake club will be there
Oh good, so I was totally inappropriate
Filmed you dancing
Low moment in my life this text. Sorry
Not firewood, I meant soundsytsem
Shit, does your car have a first aid kit
Don’t be jealous
Thursday, 5 December 2013
Tears in the bathroom a distant memory
Last of my stuff is being shoehorned into a van as I sit in Islington. One door closes and another opens
I will draft up something now. I guess the practical side of the curriculum will have to wait. It will be fun though
Look at you setting the maths exams
Took a while as I only had ten fingers
Glass fuller today?
Sola dosis facit venenum
It’s the Scottishy pastry philosopy guy.
Shame you assume that about yourself
I suppose disappointments a matter of expectation and expectations are out of your hands
Back to life before London. Strange little detour it has been
I couldn’t bring myself to write your name on the front of the envelope.
They clearly liked my ugly shoes
Sunday, 27 October 2013
Stop chopping those fucking tomatoes
Will you send me a poem, im feeling vulnerable and insecure
So very grateful for saving me last night
Please can you not tell anyone
Send me a picture of a baboon
A little more crude than I intended
You’ve never submitted, its an ongoing battle
You can be rude though
Don’t say sorry say thank you
Does this mean I have to censor my messages?
Darling it was awful, im not used to that kind of tension
How shaming was last night.
This could be the most boring day of my life
Monday, 6 May 2013
Breakfast pina colada with the mother of the bride
How are you? You're crazy
I'm laying down. It's best down here
Well that’s vague and non committal
Are you sure you're not Catholic?
The pale and pasty face of apocolypse.
Sounds like you're suffering from some sort of synesthesthia.
You change your mind
Nearly home for a film on a very small screen
Don't have a bath
Just bumped into her
I only do Sundays
You don’t need a boy. You need a man
I love you anyway but since yore doing so much to help me out I love you even more
Only the ones who are off limit
The most tender lamb I've ever tasted
I was with him last night, he admitted he had a soft spot for you
It’s the truth. I got so drunk
Great, text you again in four months
Wednesday, 13 March 2013
Whilst sheltering under a convenient cherry tree I tried to twist some stalks. Abandoned attempts due to conspicuously contorted face. No desire to explain what I was doing
I just went to go visit my gorilla to find out ive been padded out into a panda
Ok, another café then, without aprons. Or I could also wear an apron
That's an idle threat
You're not too heavy, you just weight me down. We could both do with a little triviality
I liked your poem, I'm trying to respond
Am I being stupid?
I completely agree with your argument, for once
Didn’t sleep at all last night
Don’t try it
Don't not invite me then talk about it all night long
Invite me out but do it fucking properly this time
Clearly you don’t like skinny boys
Thursday, 24 January 2013
Have you eaten my kit kat chunky?
I'm still in the car, stoned and sleepy. You're so beautiful. You make me very happy
It's my sisters birthday tomorrow, it's optional if I attend. That girl is going to be there.
Not casual, I want to ask her out on a date. Bit awkward maybe. I'm nervous
I'm going to go, man up, then play it straight
I'm in bed
Shall I save it until tomorrow?
After all, I'm the one that wanted to call.
I love you. Goodnight
I'm feeling rather vulnerable. Probably for the best
Can I call?
I've got the worst cystitis, literally pissing razor blades
Wednesday, 9 January 2013
I'm at square two
I'm so insulted you would text me about that with the crude assumption that I would be interested
I can't bear that crap
Garnish to me as an individual
What's your problem?
And what do you want?
Sorry for being awkward and stoned
He's actually eating a sandwich right next to me
I'm just getting roasted in the most horrible place you could possible imagine
I don’t want to be here.
Don’t wake up
Sorry for depressing drunk message
Thursday, 3 January 2013
Could you go to my shop and pick up the bread, salad and meat? My dad knows what we need.
Did he reply?
He just left with her
Fancy walking around Nunhead cemetery with me this afernoon?
I thought you would like it
Is it that bad?
He feels really bad for driving you into my trap
Im not washing my hair
I need to ask a question. Is there a special name for those cards they put next to art works?
Are you still with him?
So nice to see you, yet again. You looked exceedingly beautiful. I always want to kiss you and hug you. Im in Brixton now having a drink. Enjoy Germany, it will go fast. Text me
Try and get comfortable. I would like to be able to calm you
I wish I hadn’t left your house
I long to be there.
My mum has been asking about her bum-bag
So where did you sleep last night?