archive 0.6

You can come and stand inline with me at the Tongan high commission

They were too formal. Bye

Do it all. Text him twice. Flirty? Shamelessly

You should, his nose isn’t even that pointy

They are all hugging and crying. It’s making me feel sick

The point of the story is that its very unremarkable and all the exciting stuff happened to other people. Lots of nearlies. Lots of almosts

I’m walking Soho like a lovesick pigeon. Heart broken

Can I be you for tonight?

That was a joke. Keep up

I felt so sick last night with paper all over my floor. I have to learn all this paper. I just want everyone to enjoy chips and cigarettes. He says that is idealising stupidity

Lying in London reading about gay school boys and that type of thing

There are some absolute fuckers singing tuneless Hindi songs

Look what we’ve got ourselves into

archive 0.7

The Charles Bridge in an hour?

He has bingo fever

Sorry for not being at your beck and call for once, I was doing one of those annoying things in my life that stops me staring at my phone waiting for you

This place is a hole. At least he scored. I fear we may have lost him forever

Your brother just sent me a kiss.

The doors of perception are open. I quote ‘lets be hedonistic, flirtatious…’. I guarantee solidarity if you’re up for it

I’m no longer your midnight saviour

Replace them with six foot, fifteen stone Neolithic cannibals

I like it abrupt

You Hockney whore, come to fucking Waterloo

I promise not to hide when I’m home

It’s slightly boring to explain by text. Fucked on sunshine and tea and wind farms and clouds. A deaf person just shouted and I got a warm little rush of adrenalin in my chest if you must know. Mince says I never understood him or the disjunctive nature of society. He also wants to know the moral and ethical justifications for drinking

archive 0.8

I increasingly find it difficult to see why we are alive, where meaning lies, what suffering does, whether beauty is mere invention to make us forget

But isn’t what you call soul invented?

What a bore you are

What a horrible question, I don’t tend to heap shame on myself. When was the last time you cried?

Ill leave you with thoughts of long sweaty nights on a pacific island with palm leaves rustling above your head, waves gently splashing on the beach outside and a very brown boy gently kissing you.

You should listen to Tosca

I’ve felt so happy for such a long time and the only thing in my life I find unsatisfying is my relationship with you.

How is Greenwich with her better?

It’s just a bit hurtful to ignore someone when they have clearly gone out on a limb. Lesson learnt

I just got rid of all my pubes-front and back

archive 0.9

Good luck with the fresh start

Shut up, you’re lying

There is really something about you that I cant put my finger on

Coming to wander in a big city all alone, watch the multitude pass, feel one with the world and the like

Abortion is a big thing even if you get a doctor to do it

I got a big problem - bomb threats at waterloo

You sound Impatient. It’s at the Crown Court

I’m being force fed pasta.

I’ve just seen king David walking over Waterloo Bridge. In his fight for repatriation he has acquired a new statue of the queen on wheels, wearing a yellow anorak. She is also wearing a swastika and learner badge

archive 1.0

Ill be anywhere you want

Not so fast. Ask me a question

Violation of human rights

Being alone with books and flowers
I’ve gone Goth

Sometimes I forget how weird you are

Working behind the bar made me writhe with sorrow to see the cruel emptiness that fills peoples lives and the desperation to fill it.

I don’t understand how you manage to construe my comments about the human condition as undermining to your feelings. I admire your capacity for honesty

My parents have redecorated my room and removed all but a few strands of bubblegum from my bed. The end is nigh

Your youthful exuberance is cute

Did you not gather that from the messages?

He's going with a group of manly hunks. I think he would relish your presence

Jesus Christ. On the cross

I was disappointed we didn’t kiss more. There is a difference between two people who have sex and two people who kiss and have sex.

Fortune favours the brave

archive 1.1

About the most depressing place I have ever been. Lasted about seven minutes

Passed a deserted pair of trainers. It would seem you weren’t the only person to have lost your shoes last night

He keeps bright green frogs

Check the dictionary

It’s a big car

So fucked, I just kicked a courgette

We’re not going to wake up, that’s for damn sure

Last year of your age of innocence

You have my space. Conformist bitch

My room, five o clock

There is a Somalian on my bus finger-eating a yogurt

Think of the drugs we could be taking, pent up with the sexual frustration

I hope you’re flying around with lightness and joy

I fed some of your brownie to him, the chef. He said it was exquisite then said ‘I used to walk round looking for food in Covent Garden with her’.

We are drinking coke and smoking. Thinking of you wistfully

Pardon?

I want to go to Japan, learn Japanese, go shopping in Tokyo. With you

archive 1.2

Sun over the chimneys. Witchcraft. Money spider on my hand. Hats with gleeful tourists. New benches need weathering

It was ethereal. I didn’t go running

Do you have bruises?

I have recently had an orgasm. Wanting to keep you in the loop

Oh god I shall be punished for that

I am so sorry for my weak willed behaviour last night

I’m quite sure she is madly in love with me. I’m on the dreaded B-U-S, on terribly good form

Come by for coke and cigarettes if you please

I am listening to La Boheme and reading about inflation. Life is so absurd

My heart is inscrutably besieged by a concentration of forces, sounds, purposes, shadows and ghosts

Must be like reminiscing about the good old days when we wished we were dead

That is the stupidest text I have ever received. Please dont speak to me again

archive 1.3

In a taxi on the way to Milan

At the back next to the butchers who sells hanging rabbits and birds

Its pathetic and pointless is it not?

Please translate

You first

I would only irritate you

I mean, frustrate

Next time I have an identity crisis I’ll go for inanimate objects. I’ve always found dessert spoons attractive

Where are you? Geographically, not in your head

God, don’t lick your fingers

Things moved really fast

archive 1.4

She wants to know what you’re on

Top alone. In kfc. Chewing really really quickly. Pushes the bit of chicken hanging out of the side of his mouth with his thumb. Why is he chewing so quickly?

Stay cool

I can’t get out of bed. Motivate me

Right ear right queer

It thrills me when you’re really oversensitive

In Singapore they have plastic food centres where the lights are always on. You never know what time it is. Little old men sit and slurp unashamedly

Can I come round? Agitated

You have to follow the instructions otherwise it just won’t work

You have no idea the effect you have on me. I can barely contain myself

At least you’re not being continuously face raped by assorted dogs and not spending Valentines Day with the local historian. The older you are, the more interested hell be in you

Thank you for my mouse

archive 1.5

Phone phobic

Me being horrible to you does not begin to make any sense

Rot in some fucking backwater of hell you nauseatingly socially grubbing worms you oily consciously fucking messed up troglodyte with your twitching sweating gonads and slathering tongues. How can you have the nerve to feel superior? We have a good arrangement. He makes the weapons, I use them

I don’t trust chance as much as you seem to. I require a meeting for conversation

The authoritative approach clearly failed, I have to give up

I’m leaving it all to you because clearly things have to be on your terms

Hermits like you said

Tell the story…you know the one, about the tin opener

I was talking about the surrey hills. You made me into a fool

Don’t allow the momentary glitch in your considerable capacity to charm get in the way of being joyful and belligerent

Too sweet, fuck you

I bought you some tins of mackerel

Do you remember Robin Hood?

Maybe he has fallen down a mineshaft and become a deaf mute, maybe his fingers were bitten off by chipmunks with vicious appetites or a crackhead who mistook them for a morsel of heroin rendering him unable to text

Don’t suppose you’re up for an all nighter in Brixton?

Very poetic. Punctuation needs work

archive 1.6

I just unearthed a 6inch layer of chewing gum from under my bed. Thinking about cloning you

You wank. I can never compete with Fulham

You being a little brown person

Not that this makes any difference to you but just so you know. Whatever I do, whoever I meet and however long I don’t see you. Weeks, months or years. You will always be a very special part of my life

Your crab salad is here

Leave the library, you incredibly stupid bitch

Maybe they’re going nowhere. Maybe there are no planes. Just words and rhymes of love and wine. I’m looking in the mirror and I cant help but wonder who this person standing in front of me is. Fucking bollocks

You may have to electric shock him. Laser gun in the balls

Fuck off

Stop the oxford animal labs, stop the oxford torture labs, stop the oxford animal labs

Are you drunk?

It’s sad, but sadly true. I don’t understand your jokes. Have come to accept that in pain

It was meant in a fond way and no other. You got more than you bargained for with that first message

archive 1.7

I was simply buying exotic boxer shorts to compensate for what lies within

Would you consider taking a car across America for a couple of weeks in September?

It seems that every time we speak it’s the same theme. It has to change

Don’t forget me

I have a spare room with a bed. Its yours unless you would prefer a sofa. I have one of them too

You’re like an Imaginary friend only you get to talk to and see Imaginary friends

Fucking phenomenal. Don’t tease me

That’s right. All I do is try to make you feel crap

I’m only going in the hope that being on the other side of the world I wont miss you so much

Don’t make me progress to angry

It’s something of a talent

archive 1.8

You are test articulate. Makes me feel like the village idiot

I knew you were a bad egg

I’ve got no sense of smell. I lost it hitting my head age 9

Standing in Bristol station next to a couple in matching baby blue velour tracksuits. Does life get any better?

In blacks outdoor shop. Contemplating whether to lie down in one of the tents

Being asked where my summerhouse is and who my favourite reggae artist is. ooh er.

Part of me, which is being suppressed, wishes I were with you tonight

Just stole a role of ‘size 16’ stickers. Screwing. I rarely text for fun

Just bite your lip

archive 1.9

Your trousers still wet my phone but I have a camera like yours now and longer hair and browner skin and twelve kittens who live near the sink and eat what I’ve forgotten about, like the people who remember the little things one does and says

I have only been arrested once this holiday for stealing port and sherry form a hotel

On and on and on we go climbing to the top screaming and shouting like ravenous blacks

Feeling nice and working class?

'Burgundy makes you think of silly things, Bordeaux makes you talk about them and Champagne makes you do them’-brilliant savarin

All I keep imagining is my dad dying

I sent your love to him. He was touched

I’ve beaten you to Christmas so fuck you, cunt

I don’t know what the odds are. By chance we have met twice. We could cheat chance and save time

archive 2.0

Fatboyslim is fucking in heaven

I’ve already got it

Oh god I hope I haven’t brought on some self-analysing crap on you. If there is anyone to do that, it would be me

Now dance

You’ve tainted my precious lips. Like two big plastic slugs

I didn’t think anything could make me smile on such a hellish journey. Cruising away, near a tear, huge smile. Only you do this to me

Try repeatedly thinking about white blood cells engulfing bacteria. What sound would it make?

I think the freaks will welcome you with open arms

They involve you, a blowtorch, a long string of tinsel and a rabid squirrel

Bald man. Grey bench. Dirty train carriages. Scaffolding. Talked to a man whose music can break down cancer cells

The occasional word heard through the drum and bass was thoroughly dry

If I could, I would fly through your window and drop the softest of kisses on your lips before you fell asleep

I just bought the most vulgar present for you

archive 2.1

Ingredients for quails eggs salad nicoise and fresh bread and fresh tuna at 74

From the second I first saw you I knew you would be something different and having spent three months away from you I still feel the same. I’m giving you my love back

What the fuck does that mean?

I’m in elephant now, I’ve lived in Peckham mostly. I grew up in Italy

I’m pruning trees listening to classic fm. Kind of idyllic

Full moon just rose behind the thin blurry pink mauve clouds, slipping through them, now it’s gleaming. Can you see it from your roof?

This is awful. What’s wrong?

I wanted to make her a frame with loads of passport photos. I’ve got 2000.I’m not sure she would like it

I’m going to bury you in the pesto pasta

Hello you with perfect teeth. You would make a good slave. Good teeth=good bones=good worker