archive +8.7

Please tell me you haven’t gone for round face straight nose again

In English

Should I put toothpaste on my burn?

I thought you would tell me off for sending it to my mum

I guess so babe, I guess so

Going to album launch then to you

Stop chopping those fucking tomatoes

Morally?

Your man is so here and I think I just insulted him by saying he sounded west London. Either way we are conspiring to capture you

So very grateful for saving me last night

Please can you not tell anyone

Send me a picture of a baboon

A little more crude than I intended

You’ve never submitted. It's an ongoing battle. You're extremely beautiful and incredibly sexy. You can be rude though

archive +8.6

Just climbed to the top

He is thinking the same

Tough crowd

I have seen a friend go mad though and it was horrible

A raw pigs brain.

Then fuck you

Pudding

For your information, your parents have already accepted the invitation so it's not really my problem.

He has a very special nose

My boss looks like our college gardener - the guy who does the lawns

I just got paid and it feels good, but it makes me realise I want to be stinking fucking rich.

I’m starting to think I won't see you again.

It’s a depressing place in many ways, full of people with no way out

archive +8.5

Countryside weirdness; the twilight zone

Do you enjoy confusing me, seriously?

Just be cautious and remember if your throat swells up call 999

Firstly, don’t ‘babe, what?’ me. Secondly, hello and thirdly, I heard there was big party at yours tonight

Why not for too long?

Why would we fight?

Am in London, but tell Oxford I love her, tell Oxford that I need her, tell Oxford not to cry, my love for her will never die

I think a very boring Greek goddess

Blonde curls and you would have to come and collect it from me

I doubt I could have given you any list of my friends that wouldn’t have intimidated you

I’m lonely and bored

I’m on an island in Kent wanting bacon

Sounds depraved

archive +8.4

Does your dad know a lot about bananas?

Shut up and sing

I hate smoke and I hate watching you smoke

How are you feeling about the situation today?

God I would love a dinner party with them

That’s a top five for you

I’m chain smoking

I’m in a tent

More like, wet wet wet

Sorry, phone in shoe. You should know that

Ok, titles rolling

Darling, what’s his surname?

I seem to remember I was the one who invited you out this evening

archive +8.3

I have had the best idea

You sent me quite a strange message the other day

His dad picked us up. Real boy racer

Very similar, perhaps more chatty and approachable. He said he didn’t want a scoda in his drive

One of a kind

Ive just done it for you

I might go as far as delete the ones you don’t like then

I'm always shocked by your choices

Number 5 aint his best

Don’t talk rubbish

Kfc market research

Should we book in a session?

Am I being too forward? Tell me if I am.

It was funny, but I've finished my break so you're going to have to wait a bit longer for replies

archive +8.2

I like that

I feel better. More alive.

I was just thinking

It's morning so best end our correspondence or something awful might happen

He is Irish and do you know how old he is?

27, what happened last night? Everyone went mad. She pissed herself when I told her. Prepare yourself

Literally the funniest thing ever. I can’t stop laughing.

Look at his myspace

You and your sibling, I so love you both, saying thank you. What shall we do tonight? Toga party at yours? Yes, I did send this to you both

Well said, it was great

I’m still hurting. I may have even died a little bit yesterday

We couldn’t get her in despite screaming at the doorman that she was born in 1982. So we left with our new friend, a Canadian man. I am mortified

She is going to new era to tease

Go yourself then. I’m sure that won't be awkward

I popped pills in Camden. Not that jealous

I’m sorry I was a total mess last night, so not cool

I don’t remember anything. Seriously, nothing. Sorry

And are we ashamed of ourselves? Well I am. You know I almost lost my job this morning

I’m giving up drinking for a while

It must be somewhere along the cycle

I give myself 5/10. I’m in the country on a farm. Working

I can’t tell yet. I will suss it out

I’m sorry I lost my mind

You’re so confused

archive +8.1

would love a friendly text to break up a boring day

Thoughtful mouse, I suppose that isn’t bad. BBC world always makes me more awake, it’s the colours

Dream on

When do you get back from ‘away’

We played loads of juju music. My dance partners were strictly over the age of consent. I’m going to try and dance with a pregnant woman next time

I cooked my arm last night. Boils, blisters and all. I’ve been such a foreigner to London this Easter.

It wasn’t

Promise it wasn’t

I’m your flexible friend

Sounds like a catch 22 to me. Masturbation or football usually works for me. You’re going to have to think of your own though

archive +8.0

I have had four replacement teeth from punches

Well it’s interesting to find out what you really think of me

You are cruel

I didn’t think you would find that funny. But I did

Any dream will do

Call me or I wont tell you

You dickhead, it's me. Call my mobile or you could just wake my mum up again

I get the picture

Pick it up baby

Please

I got out of bed and everything

Apologies for the aggression

I just had to jump out of bed naked to pick up the phone as I linked the events in my head. I was scarred I might meet my mum at the telephone-I try and avoid these situations you know

archive +7.9

I ate half a pineapple at lunch

There is one kid who keeps on being asked if they are a boy or a girl

She has a thick moustache with healthy regrowth

Thought as much

It’s better than thinking about nothing. Something everyone else in the world does

Strangest dream

I’m so angry, I just wrote you a five-page message but deleted it. I’m sorry if you’re feeling upset, I wish you were in London. He likes you, it's just complicated. His age, his lifestyle...Personally I believe you deserve more and much better, but I've been in your situation and it’s the hardest thing to forget. Things will change, but I don’t think that’s enough.

I've finished my novel

Stop it.

Sixty four thousand words and twenty pages. God, I’m over the moon.

I get that the whole time; eyes blinking and thinking, sinking and pinking

archive +7.8

I have a horrible feeling I just intruded on my sister masturbating

Did he reply?

Think about football, that works for me

Yeah, and what

I just did a fart that was exactly like the smell of wheat crunchies. The purple pack

I’m easy like Sunday morning

I’m sorry. I was drunk and you know the conceited monster that I am. I just looked at myself sidelong in the mirror whilst in the shower and my arse is so big.

Two more of her. Bury me now

So bored of sex

Ratios

Nothing to display

We are having a middle class vodka and cocaine party. Come come come along

You are seriously missing out. We are making a den which isn’t as good as your birthday one, but it is more disco. You don’t even have to partake, we are drinking five alive. Think of the love you will receive on arrival.

Don’t be silly, you cannot resist. We will be here all night waiting hopefully for your imminent arrival. He will do a handstand if you come

Its fucking hilarious-get over it

archive +7.7

I’ve taken care of it.

Help

He isn’t a person, more a series of unfortunate sound bites

A general debate ensued after that message but all we've thrown up from it, like a bulimic, is trite. Weight is but a number and it depends on how you look which in your case is good, so let that girl get on with it. The dress finally came, I love it, I look like St Francis

God, I don’t understand, why do you do this to me?

What a relief. I do try and keep up with your inner monologue, but I struggle

It would never make me cry. I enjoyed that message

Well, so have you me, but you’ve also made me smile an awful lot and that’s what I chose to focus on. I was thinking of my fondest memory of you was lying under the London eye on a summers night and you probably don’t even remember it. How's that for uncomfortable

That made me cry

Somewhere new and somewhere old

White city dog race. Come on, you know I’m shit at this. I would say sit on a bench

Is this to entertain him? If it’s sunny all the time I would get bubble tea and cigarettes and lie in a park being nonchalant.

She felt she may as well succumb to her inevitable plumpness, so joined the kittens on the floor where they lapped from a bowl of cream. She did this every day, every mealtime, so that night by night she saw her thighs stretch, not as white as cream, no, but marbled with the delicate pink and blue of veins. Her stomach became distended and the folds in the flesh crunched beneath her as she rose or bent, but especially bent, and her body groaned. Soft and nacreous, her skin sent up fumes like incense exhaled at some slaughter, some sacrifice of the vanities.

archive +7.6

Of course you knew it. Of corpse. I’m referring to the tourettes you got diagnosed with. I miss talking to you, the wall just doesn’t do the trick

I’m too stubborn to. I tell my mum it makes me want to scream sso she will turn the volume down when relocation relocations on. I cant back down, but otherwise yes, I see your point

Lets go on holiday together. It’s the only thing that will help

Why, are you ok?

Well, I always wonder if you’re ok.

You’re too pretty to be a spy, they like plain ones. I shaved my head in a moment of summer anticipation and I’m now regretting it. What has been worrying you?

I want you to show me somewhere new

archive +7.5

Follow the yellow brick road.

Do you think its kinder not to be her friend at all?

He was so on it last night

Sorry. I’m on a bike

I’m going to be famous for killing someone accidentally

I think I should probably leave it. Don’t want to miss my flight because I want a cigarette and coke with you

Kiss

Why do I cry?

Rear of the year, surely

Your influence has rubbed off on me. I’m drinking redbull and listening to soul

I was listening, well, singing along to a song today, quite earnestly. When it got to ‘w p c when am I going to go? No!’ the laughter started and didn’t stop. Even, or especially, when my mum was talking about her mother’s death, you came to mind. Though you are always on my mind. I’m determined to sound like a pervert

Fraught with traumas our contact has been.

archive +7.4

I’m in Ireland with him but he is really getting on my nerves. He keeps asking me to lick his face

Sitting in Leicester Square eating kfc. Could I be any more self-loathing?

Its not uncomfortable, I can take it from you

It was meant to be a smiley, with a question mark

Smiley face with a question mark?

Are you pissed at me?

Can VIP you if you want to come now

Speak tomorrow

Tort is like vanilla and that goes well with straw and straw dogs

Hope you get home safely and please don’t text him

archive +7.3

The only violation is in you.

You’re going to single handedly run the brothel

Come

Do

Just do it, but don’t kill me afterwards

I’m having lunch with my dad. You’re right about chicken

I’m watching a strange new movie about Christ and the devil set in current day NY

Didn’t you know?

I’m going to wait until he has kids and then eat them in front of him

I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings

archive + 7.2

Oh shit. I kissed a conference guest. He is married

And then the drunk gay porter told me he wanted to kiss me. Its all pretty bad

I served some Dutch guys dinner and they invited me out but everything was shut so I drank illegally in the bar. We were all getting more and more drunk and the bartenders invited the porter for a drink. And then he told me to stop looking at him because he really wanted to kiss me

If you do anything I think you should call

Went to the pub and forgot my mobile. Not use to having it. Am round at mine

I’m having a library stint and in the past you’ve proved welcome distraction. Can you come up with the goods again?

Come to mine I will meet you

We’re going to borough for a while. Come for a brownie and a long analysis of the date

Feel like a café day? I will buy

Would have been cooler if you were looking at the camera. I really enjoyed having you, thanks for coming

Sounds like exactly the sort of strange situation you find yourself in

I think if he needs help then you should. Sorry for not replying sooner

It wasn’t lame. Actually you’re right. You need to try not giving a fuck what you or anyone else thinks about you. How's your leg?