archive +3.1

Just too predictable

I have recently diagnosed myself pregnosexual. I exclusively have intercourse with pregnant men and women

Pregnant not fat. No fatties. Fatties fuck off. Fuck off fatties

Please erase the ‘shit’ from the previous comment. That was unnecessary swearing

I murdered someone in saint Tropez hey hey hey

So I’m pretty in the black cap. Wow, these legs

Well, not quite I am at my bus stop trying to force myself out. It’s raining a lot

I have a splitting headache and I stink of foreigners. Oh god I just remembered that man on pills

Is it too late for me to ring your house?

It wasn’t you I wanted to speak to you

archive +3.0

2am.come down because you didn’t come down last night. Fat Sam will be there

The young and lost

The boat doesn’t leave the mooring but I might not stay late because the Ludes are playing and I’m still avoiding certain peoples.

This is a whim

Don’t do drugs, do charity work, do exercise. Do help old people across the roads, do become the leader of a local scout group, do start a neighbourhood watch campaign, do get involved in Sunday school, do be a face in a local watering hole. The bar man knows your tipel-shandy for andy, only one as you head home early to write for your local newspaper about the environment. Do change your name to Andy, carefully pull the two layers of toilet roll apart so that you double the length of each roll. Budget precisely. Everybody has to be versatile

Is it voyeurism to read other peoples texts?

They were to you. This is a whim and the last one was. The long one to him was to him. But. it was whim that I sent it to you. I thought it was a good text. And. I know you appreciate good texts. And voyerism. I’m not sure I like these short sharp sentences with full stops. It reminds me of a serial killer. You’re a serial thriller

Dying and cycling in the middle of nowhere

I’m having a drink with her having been banned from my house. Join if you want

Under the blue man group in Drury lane. come come, I want to hear about him from last night

I think you wanted my dads number. Do you mind me asking who this is?

I got some real estate here in my hand. So I bought a pack of cigarettes

archive +2.9

I had a nice time. I think ‘nice’ is a good word despite what people say. Sometimes it’s the best thing to hope for, just like ‘content’. And the brownies. They’re a dream, but I did the sweating

On the corner

Madam its in my great disappointment that I am otherwise engaged and forthwith hereafter I shall look forward to our swiftly and imminent meeting. sorry my texts are a bit formal. I don’t abbreviate

There are many reasons why; you’re funny, don’t mind the piss taken, you’re different and weird, you’re up for late night wanders and you still give me butterflies. I’m going for a swim

I’m going to Hampstead heath for the scorcher. I’ve got a hot date you see

Not the uncle. That’s for sure

You are on the list. I pulled some strings

Its over. I’m being paid to take it down

There is a very laissez faire attitude to work attendance here

Call me Sunday afternoon and perhaps we could roller disco.

I didn’t have enough lady pictures so I had to send you to the magazine, also I tried coke zero and it does retain the great taste

I was lying I’m not going anywhere. Didn’t. You. Listen. To. The. Whole. Voicemale? Typical

archive +2.8

I’m always a fan of hers. I will call her tomorrow. Tell her I love her

Seeing as most people I’m going to be dealing with are diabetic, they probably wont have great toes

Coaching

I’m back. Grafting. Labouring. Mans work.

When are you coming to this side of town

I might not sit around and wait you know

Awesome

No. They already have my aristocratic looking hands helping them. Carrying plasterboards. Come to Camberwell before Friday for pub or tea

Your choice to leave. I hope that wasn’t your bus

I bet you’re exaggerating

I had a chat with your friend at Brockwell lido today

Maybe

Of course you wouldn’t be

Well I've got the wagon

Suit yourself

I think I’m the judge of that. See you soon

archive +2.7

Sorry

Sorry I didn’t feel comfortable answering that question

Yeah, I thought about it but id rather not

Feel free to come up with another

I’m proud to be generous and sincere, but I wish I was less prone to insensitive comments and cleverer

Talk about leaving me out on a limb. Pretty harsh

I will be there

I got stuff to throw away. Is there anything you want? Lights. Desk. Books. Cushions. Ornaments

Texting in a car park or writing one word at every traffic light? He lives really near Paddington

Just remember agent orange. Chinese jacket in the wardrobe. Oh and dien bien phu

Cruising Streatham common for loving

Ok now its in capitals. IS EVERYTHING OK?

I’m going to pass tonight but save me one

Home wrecker

archive +2.6

If you find yourself lonesome and curious later, concoct a question for me

Ordering a mosquito net, writing an e mail and watching the simpsons

Pure envy. Make the most of your time with the rouge

Look it up in your Portuguese dictionary

I have such beautiful photos of you. How you don’t perspire I don’t know

Imagine this-the Internet broke the day after I got home and hasn’t been fixed yet

I’m having a bbq tomorrow and you should come unless your fake tanning yourself or modeling

Solution-tomorrow

I don’t normally do daytime meetings but i'll consider it

The play finishes at four in the morning

Who to?